When I was young, I poured milk on my brother’s head. It did not go well for me.
I remember the two of us being in the kitchen, and my brother sitting at the breakfast table with his bowl of cereal, waiting for me to pour milk into it. My little brother. I have a 4 year head start on him. I walked over to his seat and let the most ridiculous idea run around my head. How close do you think you can get the milk to the rim of the jug before it spills out? And, to make it all the more daring; How close do you think you can get the milk to the rim of the jug before it spills out, while holding it over your brother’s head?
Challenge accepted.
I was imposing my idea on him and providing him absolutely no say at all. And believe me, he tried to have a say in the matter. He said to stop, don’t do it, said he would tell mom… but I rode the rapids of a bad choice all the way to the waterfall… and went over. Just like the milk did when it breeched the surface tension at the rim of the jug of milk. Oh, for a moment, I was successful. I thrilled at seeing the surface of the milk stretch its reach like liquid elastic just beyond the edge of the jug. But I held it too long and tipped the jug, pushing a surprisingly large volume of milk forward.
Silence encircled us and excitedly waited to see what this moment to come would sound like. Milk dripped around my brother’s head like a melting white crown. He said only one word- MOM! And that was that. I was in trouble.
This is one of our family stories I rarely tell. It’s really not a good look for me. However, everyone knows it. My brother told our cousins, grandparents, and aunts and uncles. When I got engaged, he told my fiancé (now husband). When we had children, he would gather them up and tell the tragic story of spilt milk. Over and Over. When I became a grandmother, I was not surprised when the day came the grand girls asked me why I poured milk on my brother’s head.
How did you know?
He told us.
Of course.
My brother has let me own my actions and exercised his right to tell his perspective and experience through the years. Oh, he does it with a smile and a wink, however, it really was an event that gouged a bit of a scar in the relationship my brother and I shared at the time. You see, I broke the trust we had between us. He asked me not to do it several times as I held the milk jug over his head. My actions did not respect his request, and in turn, broke the trust we had between us. Being older, I had him at an advantage. Even so, I had, as of yet, never treated him quite so poorly. He had come to anticipate he could count on me to act with respect and protection. Instead, in that moment, I acted like a child and baptized his head with the reality trust could be broken and those around us can act quite unexpectedly.
Trust is a critical part of any relationship. In the classroom, trust is essential in building a community of learners. If your students cannot trust the environment they are in, they will instinctively seek out ways to protect themselves, body and mind. The responsibility of creating and maintaining a healthy social-emotional classroom environment is a key skill all educators must develop. Classroom learning has unique variables intertwined around group and individual learning dynamics. Students must feel confident in the safety of their environment to venture into any risk associated with learning. As students venture into new territory, and feel the vulnerability of the unknown, they count on the stability of trust. They trust you will not place them in a dire situation that will subject them to social or emotional harm.
In a chaotic classroom environment, where social and emotional harms hide in the shadows of student behaviors, learning is hindered and educational goals are not reached. Developing expertise in creating a productive and supportive learning environment requires an understanding of who you are as an educator, who your students are as individuals, and who you all are together as a community of learners. Your ability to demonstrate consistent, respectful, disciplined approaches and responses will provide the necessary framework for a productive learning environment. Students need to know they can trust in your leadership and see you demonstrate a respect for the importance of a nurturing environment.
As I well know, memories matter, and they hang around for a long time. No teacher wants to be held in any memory as “that teacher” who allowed any child to be socially or emotionally harmed in the classroom. Children in our care depend on us to be the champion and great defender of a trusting environment. Mistakes made in the classroom can have a life-time impact as they are the foundations for developing behaviors and should never be callously excused away with an invitation to not cry over spilt milk.